I stepped in it yesterday. Inadvertently, mind you, but I definitely stepped in it. “Stepped in what,” you ask?
Those petty, stupid “mommy wars.” That’s what.
An acquaintance reached out and asked the rude well meaning folks of Facebook about borrowing a baby book because they’ll be having their first baby in a few weeks and want to be prepared. I should have heard, “It’s a trap!” in my head but instead I stepped in it because I offered my opinion when I clearly shouldn’t have (insert eyeroll here). I meant to offer my opinion in a honest way. I wanted to tell the new mom that I threw my books in the trash because they frustrated the heck out of me and completely threw off my gut instincts that I really didn’t think I had in me (new moms: trust those gut instincts!). Instead, I told her not to read a baby book ever. And apparently that makes me stupid. Or, at the very least, unable to give an opinion about anything. Whatever.
I realize that the mom-to-be wasn’t really asking anyone what they thought of baby books, but I felt like my answer about throwing them in the trash would have been confusing had I not followed it up with why.I was 23 years old when the girls were born. I was young and naive and (obviously) inexperienced. I read book after book after book on pregnancy and babies. I listened to some friends, but, bless them, they were just trying to survive their first foray into parenthood too, so they weren’t super helpful either. I read stuff online that I probably shouldn’t have (yay confusing world of the internet). It’s really no one’s fault but mine that I kinda went crazy during my first 6 months as a mom. But honestly? I wish someone would have told me.
I wish someone would have told me to put down the books. I wish someone would have told me to stop searching online forums. I wish someone would have told me to ask friends with older kids for advice (parents in thick of the newborn stage with their first child can barely keep their eyes open much less give any good advice). I wish I would have thought to find a mom or two with multiples. My poor singleton friends could only do their best to smile and nod because they didn’t really know what to say to me.
That’s where I was really trying to go with my thoughts about baby books. I am the kind of person who reads books by “experts” and what have you and feels a strong need to put their words into practice (in hindsight, I realize that is dumb, but when you’re about to be a mom for the first time, you tend to grab a hold of anything that will help you make sense of what’s about to happen to you). That’s probably just one of many reasons I prefer fiction to nonfiction. I digress.
Is there anything you know now that you wish you had known as a young parent? How do you feel about sharing your experiences with other parents?
AMEN!!! Chad and I are just taking it one day at a time and thanking God we made through the day without a pediatrician or hospital trip. I am very thankful to have women in my life that have older children. I send out mass text and love reading all the different responses and pick which ever one works for us. I am also very honest when others ask my opinion about pregnancy and parenting but I always end it with that is what we went through your experience could be different. I wish I had read the part in the pregnancy book about my water braking. I would have gone to the hospital earlier instead of going to watch the Avengers at the theater. 🙂
Yaaaasss! This. All of it. I almost went insane reading all of the conflicting baby books. However, my husband did buy me Calm the F Down parenting book, and I gotta say, it’s a great one that makes you laugh at all the other ridiculous things we get wrapped up in with all of the parenting “tips” that are out there. 🙂
Totally agree with everything you said here. The only thing I wish I had known as a young parent was not to listen to others. I got stuck in a huge “what society thinks” complex and it just didn’t work for me. Once I let that go I finally enjoyed it.
Well put, Sarah. All of us are just trying to figure this parenthood stuff out day by day. I too threw out the books. Who has time to read them anyway? Motherhood…the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Thanks for your thoughts Amy. Totally agree with your statements.
“Parenthood: the scariest ‘hood you will ever go through.”