Enough

I met an older woman at Chick-fil-A the other day. Our conversation went something like this:

“Aw, are they twins?”

“Yes mam, they are.”

“Are they your only children?” (No, the other two are in the trunk of my car)

“Yes, they are.”

“Are you going to have any more children?”

(That is really none of your business, but you’re old, so I’ll give you a pass) “No, mam, I don’t think so.”

“Well why not? Don’t you want a boy?”

Ok. Gotta stop right there. And, yes. You read it correctly. That was said to me. In fact, I get questions and comments similar to the conversation above quite frequently. And boy do they ever grate on my nerves.

Can I ask you something? Will you be honest? I need you to be honest with me. Do you ever catch yourself asking people those kinds of questions? I know I do. I have to make a real effort to not be so dang nosy or presumptuous when it comes to other people and their kids. And I realize this lady meant well. She probably thought she was carrying on a friendly conversation. And it was. Until she made some pretty rude presumptions about me and my family.

How do you answer the question “Well, why not? Don’t you want a boy?” How do you say, “No, I don’t really care about having a boy, or any other child for that matter” without sounding like children are the bane of your existence (or that you are sexist and hate boys or something)? You can’t. And what’s worse, when people say things like that to me, it almost makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for not wanting to have more children.

But guess what? The kids I have right now, right this second are enough for Neil and I. My kids are ENOUGH. No more, no less. Just enough. I think the concept of something being “enough” is hard for a lot of people to grasp.

Twins were not in the “game plan” for Neil and I. We had always talked about having 2 children, and we were just fortunate enough that they both came to us at the same time. By the way, kudos to those of you out there with more than 2 kids. You women are rock stars, and I don’t know how you do it. And if you only have 1? Well you’re awesome too.

Why is there some sort of mandate out there that we all need to have a husband, a dog, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence? What if there are families out there who choose to have no children?

All I’m trying to say with this blog post is that I wish women would be a little kinder to their fellow woman in the trenches of motherhood. These first few years are tough enough without the added pressure of, “Well aren’t you going to have more? You have to have more! It would be unthinkable if you didn’t have more!”

There is nothing wrong with being content with where you are in life. In fact, the longer I sit here and think about it, I feel like that is exactly what God has been trying to tell me. I hear Him say, “You are enough, Sarah. And your kids are enough too. This is right where I want you to be.”

“You know, mam, my husband and I always wanted two children, and we were just blessed by both of them at once.”

2 Comments on “Enough”

  1. Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through that. I agree whole heartedly with your points. I think being happy with your life and your accomplishments is half the battle. I am so proud of you for realizing that you and your family is enough. So many people go though life always wishing they had more or that things were different. The result is very unhappy people. I’m getting the pressure of when am I going to have kids. I AM 28!!! Not old and dried up. I always say when someone pays off the majority of my debt and gives me the 20% down payment for a house. They usually calm up after that. HeHe… Love ya!

  2. Sarah,
    I was once with a friend when she was asked a similar question. She just replied that she and her husband felt their family was complete, smiled and walked away.

    Kathryn gets similar questions with the opposite response. When someone sees her with the two 2 year olds and a 4 month old, they say things like, “do you know what causes that?” Or “are you planning on any more children?” When she says yes, they look at her like she has two heads and say something like, “I’m glad it’s you and not me” or something equally stupid.

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